


Lord Of The Rings, Fellowship Of The Carrot

by TheJungianHidster



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anger, Angst, Books, Boom Boom - Freeform, Carrot - Freeform, Depression, Double Carrot, Dwarf Sex, Fish, Gollum faints, Hot, M/M, Makeup Sex, Meed, Mushrooms, Reconciliation, Reconciliation Sex, Sam Has Issues, Sexual Tension, Sexy, Steami threesome, Weird, bellybutton, carrot sex, downtown, drunk, dwarfs, non of these tags make any sense, shrooms, smex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheJungianHidster/pseuds/TheJungianHidster
Summary: During their long journey, Sam finds himself caught up in his feelings, he comes up with a plan that he thinks can deal with the tension between smeagol and him, but with a turn of events frodo gets in between in ways unexpected, even for the carrot!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic I made with my friend out of pure fun, not meant to be taken seriously at all, critique may be helpful! Thank you!

On one hot, hot, hot, hot and steami, steami and hot summers day -- sam said "you're hopeless" but somewhere deep in his mind he knew that he had something raw to give to smeagol tonight. He continued to drink his rabbit stu trying to hold back his thoughts about how he would proceed with giving smeagol the meat.  
((gollum was very feisty, but with a few goods read of 50 shades of black he knew how to handle it.)) Gollum smacked the stew from his hands, "I want it raw," he said! sam tried to process what gollum had just said. was there a second meaning to  what had been spoken. sam just shook his head in disbelief and said "stupid little troll! master frodo!" of course master frodo would know how to break this up. "Stupid fat hobitses, want to eat, but I needs my precious!!!" *frodo enters* master frodo comes striding over to where they were "what in middle earth is going on over here!" (Frodo knew that Sam was jealous of Gollum, but he tried his best to not take sides). "The little troll struck me stu!" "sam, you know you can't go about blaming gollum for nonsense" frodo said as he crossed his arms and huffed. sam always found that sexy of master frodo. a warmth was starting to spread over sam's face. he was embarrassed that he allowed the little troll to get in the middle of him and master frodo. he had to do something about this. Sam apologized to gollum like he knew frody wanted, and was preparing to make his favorite snack. He knew that would work! Frody knew Sam was sorry and when he learned of his cooking he thought to himself "Oh, Sam, what would I do without you!" But meanwhile Gollum knew that he needed his man flesh, so he started making his plan! as sam prepared the snack he thought adding some potatoes would be just right. he looked over at gollum. he seemed to be rambling to himself about something. sam knew this was the perfect time to get what he wanted from gollum. which was the steam. he walked over to gollum and knelt right beside him and said "i know i haven't been the kindest of folk but i was thinking you'd like to go help me bring back some potatoes for master frodo and us. it won't take long. it's just right around the rocks over there" sam pointed in the direction they'd be heading. Gollum knew this was the perfect time to unleash his plan, but he had no idea that Sam had the same idea! Behind the rocks they went. Rock. Rock. Weeds. Thorns. Ahhh! There's a potato! Gollum went to fetch it and before he could think twice Sam was all over him! The steam had commenced! Shirt, Pants, Shoes! All left site! (To the slight disappointment of Gollum's back, which was already thorn filled!) sam yelled "don't fight it, troll, you know you wanted this even before you struck me stu. now i have to put it in you!" sam couldn't help the excitement he felt from this. his breathing started getting heavier. as gollum was pinned down sam reached in his back pocket to pull out a carrot. he couldn't allow gollum to go through this without experiencing the pleasure of the carrot. sam put all of his weight on gollum so that he can handle the carrot but also search for his entrance. sam felt around yet hadn't found anything. sam's brows furrowed in confusion. "Looking for this," Frodo said as he stood above the two lovebirds. He let 'em have it, carrot and all! Gollum let out a cry, "My precious!!!," but no matter, nothing would stop them now! Frodo couldn't help but smile, this was his big break, he had been thinking of this the whole trip here! But Gollum wasn't prepared to let him get out clean! Frodo tried resisting, but nothing could match Gollum's need for the steam now, and let's just say that Sam wasn't completely innocent in this act either! they all lay down and compliment each other then light their pipes and rest because the perilous journey was still ahead! 

FIN


	2. Lord of the rings, the two carrots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their previous adventures, they decide to head back home, drink mead, fall in love with a dwarf, and more carrot time, plus gandalf and his shrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fic made purely out of fun, like the last one, criticism and comments highly appreciated! Thank you!

Waking up sore and stiff, our carrot boys decide to travel down to hobbiton after the long night! as they settled in their rooms to collect themselves all thought that the night couldn't be complete without a little bit of mead from the shire. the inn had one of the best beverages served to man, dwarves and hobbit folk. they all came down to join the party that was about to start. "What can I do for ya lads," the bartender asked them. They all spurted it out at the same time! "MEAD!" The biggest cup went to frodo (Gollum wasn't too happy about that), and the other two went to Gollum and Sam. But deciding that it would be little fun drinking just them three, they decide to join the dwarves that had already long started since they got there! as sam continued drinking his pint the more rambunctious he became. he got atop of the table the dwarves were sitting at and challenged them to a drinking game. the first one to finish their mead got to handle the magic carrot, which sam had said give off powers and bring about immense wealth. The dwarves, however, were not planning a fair toss, and were planning to rip them off of the magic carrot! So it came to pass that the Mead-Off had begun! There was Brakhoic Emberdigger, the legendary marksmen, who legends had said was chugging down a bottle while fighting a group of Orks; there Agguth Goldencloak, who was known around hobbiton to go killing off and stealing in a whim; and there was Werhami Frosthorn and Sirhear Goldenchin, who were twins as hard as rocks, and itching to get the carrot, and start a reputation of there own! And chug, chug, chug they did, fair reader! But nothing, or rather no one, could beat 4'1 Gollum, and his unquenchable desire! So the magic carrot was now in his hands, and despite their best efforts to trick and theive it into their possesion, the dwarves went defeated! once the mead off was finish all of the dwarves and hobbits ended with conversation about the magic carrot. as sam went on explaining the story of pippin, frodo couldn't take his anime eyes off of agguth. he was stumpy in shape, had a long dark beard and rough look which made frodo's heart flutter. he would never betray sam like this but the mead had already gotten to him and he knew where this was going to go. frodo went over to agguth and said "i know a lot more about the magic carrot that others don't!" agguth replied "really, it all sounded like a bit of foolish hobbit local talk to me" "oh no-" frodo hiccuped "there's a lot more to be said about the magic carrot, i actually have another one upstairs" agguth looked surprised and thought about if he should take on this magic carrot matter. while frodo and agguth went on sam looked over to see what was going on with master frodo and by the looks of it he throught it couldn't be good. sam ran over to frodo's side and excitedly said "master frodo are you alright!" frodo said "yes yes sam i'm fine" "you don't look fine" "i was just talking to my friend agguth here" "friend?" sam looked over at agguth and frowned. But Frodo wasn't in the mood to deal with Sam right now, truth be told he was still a little mad about the carrot business, but most of all the mead brought out the worst in him. So Frodo continued with his convo. "Like- like I was," "Burp," "Saying-" "Wait a sec, Frodo, are you mad at me?" "Belch!" Frodo mind wandered. He stared at Agguth's rugged hands. Grab! "I'm taking you upstairs and I'm showing you this carrot for yourself, err this MAGIC carrot, burp!" As he walked up the stairs he saw Sams sad eyes looking down, but he couldn't deal with that now. SLAM! LOCK! BOOM! "Now that we're all alone..." "Damn! Where the hell is it!" But Gollum hadn't just sat still while all this was going down, he had a decision to make what was he gonna do about this carrot?! as the door shut behind frodo and agguth sam sobbed. all along he had wanted to share this night with frodo, spend more 1 on 1 time with him but now that frodo is occupied he can't do that. as everybody in the inn started to head home sam knew he had to go on with the night no matter what so he calmed down and fixed himself another pint and headed upstairs with gollum. as they settled in their room sam drank some more mead and stared at gollum. to sam he wasn't the best of looking but he'll do for tonight. or maybe. they could try something new. sam threw gollum a cape and some brown pants to put on. "stupid fat hobbit and hobbit clothes" gollum mumbled "shut up, troll, this is going to work. since i can't bed frodo tonight i thought it would be nice of you to dress as master frodo for me" "whyyy!" "because master frodo is gone" "smeagol doesn't like hobbit clothes or carrots" gollum said as he hid the carrot behind him. sam got up from the bed "give me my carrot back, troll!" gollum screamed "nobody can take away precious!" gollum pushed sam down and got on top of him "smeagol never wanted to give in to precious but once the magic came in smeagol couldn't resist" sam yelled "get off of me you oaf" "no, now it's smeagol's turn" smeagol began to hit sam in the head with the carrot. sam pushed him off and got up quickly on his feet. Thump! Sam's big feet hit the floor hard! He looked behind him, and in horror saw Gollum wielding the carrot like a sword! Where did he learn to do this?! He had too much to drink, he couldn't handle this! But slice! Gollum's tool pierced through his skin! He had to get away! He wasn't gonna make it much longer! Slam! Gollum against the wall! But neither could get the advantage over the other for long, and so they switched and switched for what seemed like hours... Meanwhile Frodo couldn't focus and find the carrot. He searched everywhere, under the bed, the draws, the bathroom -- EVERYTHING! But it was gone! It must've been Gollum! Wait - Sam! Now the situation begin to sink in, he couldn't believe what he had done to sam, "I'm the worst, I'm evil, I'm worthless," All the while Agguth was sitting patiently on the bed. This was taking too long, he thought to himself. "Do you need any help, Frodo, I thought you wanted me to see it." He was getting a little nervous. But Frodo had long forgotten about the carrot, all he could focus on was the slamming comming from the other room. "He's moved on! I've ruined it. Oh, Sam, what am I gonna do now?" But Sam didn't move on, or give up on Frodo. He was still trying to get away from this troll! But before he knew it, Gollum pulled another carrot from a place we won't name, and now had two swords! This was too much! Frodo!!! "what the hell is wrong with you, troll!" sam yelled as he backed up from gollum. gollum dropped the two carrots and said "uhhh hobbitsens foreplay" gollum smiled, god did sam hate his smile. his teeth were oddly placed and his breath always reeked of fish. but sam was oddly amused that gollum remembered the hobbitsens foreplay. there was a long silence. sam could feel himself growing in his pants. the clothes, the carrots, the beating of him around had aroused him. gollum just continued smiling until sam came up close to him and placed his finger upon gollums lips. he didn't really have any lips but the only thing he could think about was frodo. he closed in on gollum and placed his lips on his. sam's tongue started to explore gollums mouth. sam parted a few times to gag because the taste of fish was so horrendous. but then he always came back to continue to kiss gollum. but then there was a knock on the door "sam, it's frodo, will you open up!" sam turned his attention to the door "leave us alone, master frodo, i've given you a chance but you pushed me away for a stupid oaf of a dwarve!" as soon as sam said that right after the door came crashing down. sam and gollum stood there shocked as frodo and agguth stand at the doorway. agguth quickly approached sam and grabbed him by his neck "a stupid oaf dwarf!?" agguth said as he continued to choke sam. But the mead, the mood, and Frodo put Sam in such a trance that the choking actually turned him on. He made a look on his face, and as soon as Agguth saw it, he let go of him! Everyone sat there for a second in silence. They all knew what was about to happen, but none of them dared to start it. Then Gollum spoke. "Ehh so ams Is gettings me preciouses?!" "GOLLUM!" He shut up. More silence. But they couldn't take it and when Sam and Frodo's eyes met, they came together immediately. "I'm sorry," both of them. Gollum locked eyes with Agguth, they stared. Stared. Gollum came close, but Agguth wasn't having it! "Get away troll, or your fish breathe will be the least of your worries." But Gollum isn't one to give up, the carrots were in his hands once more. And Agguth didn't like where this was headed. But meanwhile Sam and Frodo had made their way to the bed. Frodo started kissing him where he knew Sam loved it, on his bellybutton. Sam couldn't take it anymore, he had done enough foreplay, he didn't even notice all the noise that Agguth and Gollum were making. But that soon stopped, as they both saw what was going on with Sam and Frodo, and knew they didnt want to spend the night fighting. as frodo kissed sam's belly button he giggled. this was the moment both of them had wanted for a very long time. as frodo kept kissing sam the harder he got and more impatient. sam started to push frodo's head lower so he can focus on his carrot but instead frodo wouldn't budge. "sam, i don't think i can" frodo said as he looked up at him with his anime eyes, "you can do anything the ring controls you to do, master frodo and i think it's telling you to do something you were born to do" "controls me to do? what's that, sam?" "to succ the carrot with no hands" sam grinned with flushed cheeks. agguth and gollum were just watching them from the side while finishing sam's mead. frodo looked worried but then slowly proceeded to take sam's carrot out of his breeches. he was not really impressed with the size of it and he noticed it had a weird curve to it too. frodo just found himself staring. "hello! master frodo! it's not going to suck itself!" sam was getting anxious, "i don't know where to start, sam!" frodo yelled. sam thought for a second "remember those mushrooms gandalf used to grow in his garden!" sam said, frodo replied "yes" "just work from the tip down" frodo nodded. he was scared but also didn't want agguth to think frodo couldn't handle a carrot. so he stuck his tongue out and started to glide it around the carrot tip. "master frodo i'm close" then sam came but then he started convulsing violently. frodo got up quickly and started yelling "sam!" agguth and gollum got up to come over and help sam calm down but it was too late... "Oh! Ugh! It's sticky! What is it?" Frodo ran to the bathroom, Sam would've helped, but he was in bliss. Gollum was confused, he didn't know what was going on. Agguth knew exactly what to do. He went up to Sam, grabbed him by the collar, and threw him to the floor. Gollum jumped on the bed, it was party time. Gollum already knew what to do, and he was doing his best, but Agguth was too much. He tried, his face went red. It would've taken longer, but Gollum was already ready. Agguth didn't care anymore, he knew he couldn't have Frodo anymore, so he had to do what he had to do, just keeping Frodo in his mind. But the time passed and it was over. After he came to and was in shock at what was going on. Crying from the bathroom, Sam was knocked out cold, and Gollum, he couldn't feel a pulse! He knew immediately that he had to leave, so he got his stuff, including the magic carrots, and left. Frodo came out of the bathroom and just decided to lie down. What had happened? He didn't know but he knew one thing, he had to get Gollum to Gandalf before it was too late. it was the morning. frodo woke up first out of everyone. his eyes were heavy and his memory was scrambled. he got up from the bed and thought about what to do today. he wanted to be alone. when he left the room he left a note on the table saying that he'll be walking around bree all day to meet gandalf if any problems arise to meet him there. he headed out. the weather meant well in bree. it was sunny and everyone was out either walking along or vending. frodo walked the trail to gandalf's. the old wizard was always home reciting old text or showing off his magic fire works. they were the best in the village. when frodo arrived he gave three knocks on the door and quickly the door opened. gandalf stuck his head out "frodo? is that you?" gandalf said in a low tone "yes, gandalf it's me!" "oohhhh frodo, my boy! what a pleasure! the journey? back so early, what happened?" "nothing there were just some mishaps along the way, i wanted to stop by so that we can take some shrooms, gandalf" "ohh well come in come in share some more with me young frodo" frodo had walked inside and then flopped himself in the chair next to the fire. "it has been some time since we have last seen each other" gandalf said as he was searching around the shrooms, "yes, sometime, me and sam came back, we just couldn't give up the famous mead" "ahh so is that why your journey was cut short?" "i thin-" "AH-HA! found them" gandalf came over and handed frodo some shrooms and sat down in the chair across from him. "So yeah I was sayin--" "Nevermind that my boy, I was reading this novel, just exquisite, exquisite I tell you! What was it again, ehh, that fish smelling dwarf lent me it, ehh" "Yes what I have to say has to do with him, Gollum, he and I and Sa--" "Yes, Gollum, but so I was saying" "GANDALF I NEED TO LET THIS OUT SO JUST LET ME TALK" "Oh, well, yes but I give you those things, the least you can do is try them, just eat it, yes like that, yes. Okay so hand me some, what was it you were saying?" "Umm so yeah we were going on our way and Sam needed some potatos, potat, pot, pppppp, dehsbsijb" "Yeah so as I was saying,    this.       Is.                       such.                       A.    " "wow" 

FIN


End file.
